An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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