have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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