Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
