well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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