well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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