I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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