Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
