yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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