it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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