one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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