i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
