I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
