walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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