Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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