everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
