Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
