Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
