she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize