New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
