There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize