theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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