You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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