Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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