At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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