as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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