Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
