Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
