Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
