i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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