Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
