One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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