You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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