I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
