i think my tv is drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
