Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
