you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this will be a night to untag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
