no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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