time to smoke my breakfast
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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