I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
