oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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