Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
