all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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