He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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