Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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