dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
