Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
