I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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