I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
