He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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