I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
