I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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