upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
