More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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