Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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