All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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