Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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