I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
