It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
