I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
