I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
