im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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