I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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